This is a bit of fun on why we are the way we are during the holidays. I know it can be a hard time of year. I don’t fully understand why but I think it’s that pressure to constantly be happy for everyone around you when you really aren’t. You don’t want to pretend to smile all day when you feel like a bucket of ass shit. You want to be by yourself. The worst possible thing for you.
So this holidays I really want you to try to get out there with friends and family and at least try to have a good time. I know you don’t want to. I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me too, but hell, if I’m forced to do it, then I’m forcing you to do it too!
HAPPY FUCKIN HOLIDAYS !!!
1. Is it too late to cancel?
Saying yes to the big holiday get-together seemed like a good idea at the time when you RSVP’d. You even threw in some exclamation points (soooo excited to see everyone!!) and volunteered to bring your famous apple dumplings. But that was two weeks ago, and you were younger then, and full of hope. In a moment of panic and desperation, you consider canceling because you’re “sick.” Besides, didn’t you promise your dog you’d watch Netflix together tonight?
2. Sigh. I’m going.
It is your family we’re talking about. And it is the holidays. That’s the double-edged sword of being depressed — as soon as you even start thinking about skipping the party, you feel guilty (even if it would be better for your mental health). You don’t want to let anyone down, even if it exhausts you.
3. I’ll only go for a little while.
Yes, that’s it — the perfect compromise! You’ll say your hellos, grab some food, and even give nosy Aunt Gladys some basic updates about your life with a smile on your face. Then you’ll hurry on your way, like a certain snowman when the sun was hot that day.
4. I can do this, I can do this…
You’re doing this. You’re really doing this. You take a few deep breaths, soak in the last few moments of peace and quiet, and then swear on Aunt Gladys’s fruit cake that you will return home soon.
5. It’s so loud!
You’re at the party, and it’s SO. LOUD. Christmas carols are blaring. Everyone is talking at once. Your inner depressed self is begging to escape to somewhere quieter, because the noise feels like an actual physical force overwhelming your body. You’re no Grinch, but now you understand why he chose to live alone with his dog on a mountain (it was quiet!).
6. Small talk, whyyyyyy…
Let’s face it. Small talk has never been your thing. All that celebrity gossip and chitchat about your weekend plans just seems so, well, boring. As someone who is depressed, you’d rather talk about big ideas, or at the very least, something that feels authentic and real. At the party, you try to make socially acceptable chitchat, but it quickly veers into… something else entirely.
7. This is getting awkward…
…so, so awkward.
8. There’s so much going on that I’m zoning out.
Despite how it might look to others, you’re not angry, bored, or totally suicidal — you’re turning inward to screen out the crushing amount of stimulation. Noise, a flurry of activity, and endless social social cues to read can simply be too much for people with depression, who by definition, excel in more low-key environments.
9. But seriously, how long?
It’s quiet and you’re alone and you don’t have to make any small talk here.
10. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that…
Fake smiling. Waaaaay too much fake smiling at this holiday party.
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